When a fireman sees a house on fire, he sounds an alarm, dons his turnout gear, bravely rescues the occupants and puts out the fire.

When an investment banker sees a house on fire, he quietly sells the burning house short, uses the proceeds to buy a larger house for himself and, when someone suggests that his taxes be raised to help the homeless, he rails against the dangers of socialism.

San Francisco voters will be asked to decide whether to name a city sewage plant in honor of President Bush, after a satiric measure qualified for the November ballot Thursday.

[snip]

The measure, if passed, would rename the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant the George W. Bush Sewage Plant.

It almost makes me wish I still lived in SF.

If you’re reading this and you’ve experienced any of the things on the list below, your account may be in need of deletion:

1. You rarely log in to Myspace except to delete spam friend requests from nude webcam girls.

2. You spend five minutes writing a wall post only to hit an error message when you try to post it because of all the website glitches.

3. You’re a girl who constantly gets marriage proposals from random men in the middle east.

4. You visit someone’s Myspace profile only to suddenly have music start blasting out of your speakers. Bonus points if it happens to you while you’re at work.

5. You have to make redundant clicks to perform simple tasks because Myspace keeps taking you to advertisement pages where you have to click on “return to myspace profile” in order to continue what you’re doing.

6. You visit someone’s profile only to have your eyes bleed because of terrible page layout with non-matching designs and font colors.

7. Your experience is hindered because of intrusive banner ads that either talk to you or try to reach out and block your view of what you’re trying to look at.

8. You read yet another news account about how some child predator using Myspace has abducted a little girl or that some hoax Myspace account has caused a teenager to commit suicide.

9. You’re frustrated with the fact that Myspace doesn’t allow you to post your contact info, meaning to contact someone you can only use Myspace’s glitchy Instant Messenger, message/email system, or wall commenting.

10. You’re tired of seeing Tom stare out at you from millions of friends lists and just wish he would change his f*cking profile picture.

Have any of these things happened to you? Well you’re the perfect candidate for Myspace deletion. Join me on Wednesday, January 30th by deleting your Myspace account. You won’t regret it!

Presidential Milkshakes 2008

I support your milkshake, even though I opposed drinking your milkshake four years ago. -Mitt Romney

I’ll drink your milkshake, but only if the Bible says it’s allowed. -Mike Huckabee

I will drink your milkshake for another 100 years, if that’s what it takes. -John McCain

I drank a milkshake on 9/11. -Rudy Giuliani

I’ll drink your milkshake a few months after everyone else does. -Fred
Thompson

I will drink your milkshake, but only if I can bring back the gold standard before paying for it. -Ron Paul

America deserves a new milkshake, a milkshake with a change. -Barack Obama

I will fight the corporations so that you can drink your own milkshake. -John Edwards

We have 35 years of milkshake-drinking experience. *sob* -Hillary Clinton

I will peacefully drink your milkshake. -Dennis Kucinich

Global warming is melting your milkshake. -Al Gore

It depends on what your definition of “milkshake” is. -Bill Clinton

We’re making good progress in the war on milkshakes, and make no mistake: we will prevail. -George W. Bush

My favorite? The Gore one.

Especially this part:

Latest uber-disappointment
CA: Second Life
NY: The New York Mets

No. 1 reason to be cranky
CA: Real estate prices
NY: Real estate prices

Yes, I know, it’s a JOKE. But in every good joke, there’s a kernel of truth.

The next computer I buy is going to have OSX on it.

Scott: “Look at that. Kernel panic.”

Me: (looks at screen) “It’s not doing anything. Doesn’t seem all that panicked to me.”

Scott (pulling out the thumb drive, rebooting): “Very funny.”

Fast-forward a minute or two.

Me: “How’s that kernel panic doing? Has it been promoted to a General Protection Fault yet?”

Scott: “That is so. not. funny.”

Me: can hardly breath I am laughing so hard at my own joke.

So, as I was cleaning out my overloaded e-mail in-box tonight, I found this jewel that Jason sent to me a few days ago.

Too funny!