Fiat Lux

I had an extremely pleasant surprise on Friday morning. I'd taken 5 days off work -- 'use it or lose it' vacation time was about to run out -- and waiting for me when I got to the store my frst day back was a blooming plant in a basket, with a card signed by all my staff to welcome me back.

I was extremely moved by the gesture -- it's not like I was gone that long nor has anything especially unusual happened. I have a good crew that seems happy with me (and vice versa), so it's not like them doing something nice for me was all that out of character. But I'm not exactly the princess of self-esteem, though, so it was a complete surprise that they would think to do something so nice for me.

It's also kind of funny that I should be given a plant right after I blogged about my orchid. I'm reasonably sure none of them reads my blog, so it's probably just coincidence. Now I have to figure out how to keep the new addition to the house from being chewed on by the cats. Tommy has already taken some preliminary nibbles.

Very interesting article in today's SFGate.com. In a nutshell, here's the issue:

Wal-Mart could save Bay Area grocery shoppers as a whole $382 million to $1.13 billion per year -- roughly 5 to 13 percent of their expected annual spending on groceries -- if the growth forecasts hold true, the report says.

On the flip side, the average Bay Area grocery-store employee can expect to lose $21,000 from his or her current annual wage-and-benefits package of $42,552 per year, the report warns.

From where I sit, this just seems like another example of cutting off one's nose to spite one's face. Granted, downward pressure on the wages in one segment of the employment market does not translate to downward pressure across the board, but it's indicative of a theme in corporate beliefs these days.

As I've said in these pages before, this ongoing downward pressure in wages and tendency towards outsourcing jobs is one that I consider hugely dangerous to America as a whole. We are sacrificing our future for short-term profits. Because when everyone is making less than $30K a year, who is going to buy all these goods and services?

It's also a good argument for taking your destiny into your own hands, via self-employment and/or starting your own business. If you can.

It's been a few years since my own business venture failed, and I still bear the scars. The biggest one being a loss of confidence that I really can do what I set out to do. That's been ameliorated somewhat over the last year or so by my discovery that I am pretty good at this retail stuff, but it's not entirely gone either. And my credit's still screwed.

I've always said that despite the scars, I'd want to do it again some day. And I still believe that. But I haven't given a lot of thought to how I'm going to make that happen. It's a little late for New Year's resolutions, but perhaps that should be mine for 2004 - to start thinking seriously about what I'm going to do about my career. With the economy and Bay Area job market so screwed, I've basically been in a reactive, not proactive mode. I don't know if the economy has changed all that much, but I'm getting tired of letting the current take me where it will. I need to start doing more of my own choosing, not what others choose for me.

Scott and I watched the entire Super Bowl halftime show this year. Not that we were particularly fond of any of the artists -- some of them I'd never heard of before -- but the rest of the party had migrated into other rooms and for whatever reason we stayed on the couch. So I saw Boobgate as it happened.

We weren't quite sure whether we'd even seen a naked breast, it was on screen so short an amount of time. It was not a topic of conversation when the rest of the party wandered back into the room. If someone had asked me about the show, I'd more likely have said how overall the show sucked, or something about Kid Rock's wearing the US flag as a poncho, than about Janet Jackson. So it really surprised me to see the avalanch of press the situation has gotten.

What really bugs me about the whole thing is, why aren't more people mad at Justin Timberlake? He was the instigator. He grabbed her boob and ripped off the clothing covering it. I'm not a lawyer but it seems possible to me that what he did approached the legal definition of sexual assault. So why are so many people mad at her?

I was listening to a local toalk radio show coming home from work last night and the guy on the air said that it's all because America is racist and that if Janety Jackson weren't black, things would have been different. I'm not sure I agree with that, mostly becasue I don't think of Janet Jackson as being black. She's so mainstream and so light-skinned that her color is not what immediately comes to mind for me. I think of Halle Berry in a similar light. They're entertainers first; their skin color is a very distant second.

At any rate, I don't think this is necessarily a racial issue. I'm not sure what the real reason is. It could be sexism, or the hypocritical morailty that so many Americans embrace, or just a slow news week.

Whatever the reason, it's a huge tempast made out of a very small teapot. Anyone who thinks that two flashing seconds of breast exposure on TV was indecent or immoral or would somehow harm their children is an idiot.

I can't stand to watch President Bush speak, so as with the recent state of the union address, I waited for the audio transcript to see what he had to say. And what do I see but this new, improved rationale for making war on Iraq:

He [Hussein] had used weapons. He had manufactured weapons. He had funded suicide bombers into Israel. He had terrorist connections. In other words, all of those ingredients said to me: Threat.

This to me is NOT any kind of rationale for making war on a country that is more than 3000 miles away from the US border. Where is the clear and present danger? Hussein was, and is, not a nice guy by any means. But for us to go in and kick him out when we let any number of other dictators across the globe do what they want just makes us look bad.

Oh, and in the "unintended irony" department, we have this Bush quote:

See, free societies are societies that don't develop weapons of mass terror.

There are so many different ways to deconstruct that one, I could be posting all night. I'll just point out that there's either a tremendous double standard there, or that America is not truly a free society. Or possibly both.

Bah.

It's nice that this should happen 2 days before Valentine's Day: the first gay marriage license was issued in San Francisco today.

To be completely honest, this is an issue I have struggled with. As much as intellectually I have no problem with the equal protection clause of the Constitution meaning that gay couples should be able to marry just like straight couples, in my heart, I am uncomfortable with the concept.

At any rate, I've been giving this issue a lot of thought. As I said, the concept of real, legal gay marriage has pushed my comfort zone quite a bit. I can't even pin down exactly why I feel that way, except to say that it's not something I am used to. I know that must sound pretty lame, and maybe it is. And as someone who's generally on the liberal side of the political spectrum, it's not at all 'correct' (how I hate that word) to say that gay marriage makes you uncomfortable. I've wondered whether I might be hurting some of my friends' feelings by saying how I feel here in this blog. But I think honesty is the better policy. I hope that my struggle to come to terms with the issue will be met with respect. And if reading this does make one of my friends feel bad -- please, let me know so we can talk about it.

My parents sent something of a mixed message when it came to homosexuality. It wasn't a subject often discussed, but if it were to come up, they didn't have much positive to say about homosexuality. On the other hand, they've employed an openly gay man for the better part of 20 years. The fact that this entire time he and his partner have been living together has never seemed to bother them at all - they've always treated him with total respect, asked how his partner was doing, and so on. Like I said, that sends a pretty mixed message.

Things were different when I was growing up. Even living in New York City, with an active passion for the theater & arts, I don't think it really registered on me what "gay" meant until I was in junior high. I had a couple of more or less openly gay teachers in high school and of course, gay colleagues during my career in the theater, but back then (the mid-late 1980s) the issue of the day was AIDS. People were much more concerned about staying alive than about whether or not they could get married. But still, my world was a heterosexual one and marriage was something that a man and a woman did.

Ultimately, what finally pushed me over into the pro-gay marriage camp was a piece Andrew Sullivan wrote called "Here Comes the Groom - The Conservative Case for Gay Marriage". It's a well-written piece that essentially says this: Marriage is an institution created to help stabilize society, and that people who enter into it take on both benefits and obligations. We should be encouraging people to marry because ultimately it's good for society; certainly better than the potential quagmire that 'domestic partnerships' open up.

Sullivan is himself gay, so it's not surprising that he should favor gay marriage. Still, his argument is sound and it was enough to help me come to terms with the question. I may feel a little queasy about it, but the first legal gay marriage in America has been performed. It will be very interesting to see what happens next.

As of today I don't have that evil 112-mile roundtrip commute to contend with anymore! I'm back working in Corte Madera, managing my old store there.

One of those things about the work world is how hard work is generally rewarded by -- more hard work. I worked hard to turn Santa Rosa into a well-organized store with good quality selling numbers. Now, I get to do the same thing all over again in Corte Madera.

It's going to be a challenge, since the store has been understaffed for months and is in need of some fixing up. And unlike the placid Santa Rosa store, there's more customers and longer hours, so it will be tougher to get staffed up and things back on an even keel. I've been pretty nervous the past couple of days & didn't sleep well last night.

Today went alright though. The first customer of the day bought two handbags and the second, 4 pairs of shoes. I take that as a good sign.

A sad day.

I still have trouble understanding why so many people like Kerry, but it's been painfully obvious that most Democrats do not think Dean is the man to take back the White House.

Not that there's anything short of a miracle that would keep me from voting for the Democrastic nominee come November. Anybody But Bush is the name of the game right now. But still, I would prefer to be enthusiastic about that nominee, as I was for Dean and for Clinton before him.

Maybe next time.

Followup: here's a transcript of Dean's excellent speech as he suspended his campaign today. Good stuff.

What kind of drugs do you have to be on to come up with stuff like this?

Amazingly bad, yet amazingly funny at the same time. And what's even more amazing is Quiznos hired the guy to make TV commercials.

I got rear-ended by a hit and run driver in a white truck last night as I was coming home from work. The driver didn't even stop, so I have no license plate or insurance info to give to Allsate. Fortunately I did find a witness who's willing to give her story, so that's better than nothing.

This time, I also got a little hurt myself as well. Really slammed my head but good against the headrest -- got a bump on the back of the head, lots of soft tissue soreness, aches, and tenderness. Not quite enough to make me want to go to the doctor but enough to be uncomfortable, especially at work.

This is the second fucking time in 3 months I've had major auto damage to my poor Saturn. I am NOT happy. The whole trunk, rear bumper, and left rear panel are hosed. Several thousand dollars, easily. And what Allstate is going to say with this one coming so soon after $5,000 worth of repairs the last time, i don't know.

I took a taxi to work this AM and got a friend to give me a ride home. Tomorrow early I have to get the car to a body shop and see about a rental. There is bus service from SF to Marin, but it's a real pain in the ass - two busses and the light rail, to be exact.

Bleh. I am SO not a happy camper tonight.

So Bush is going to push for a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. In other words, he wants to use a document created to guarantee the rights of a free people to take away rights from one class of citizens.

You know, 50 years ago, most people would probably have voted to uphold Jim Crow discrimination laws. That didn't make it right. Neither is this.

Caught this today: Jews not welcome in Saudi Arabia. It's a new visa policy the Saudi government has instituted.

Not that I would ever want to go there, but really. It's just wrong that they are our ally, but they can do this and we don't say squat.

My parents came out here to San Francisco to spend 2 days with me as a pre-birthday celebration. We managed to squeeze in 5 wineries, 2 museums, 3 good restaurant meals, Shabbat dinner at home, and a nice long walk through the more nautical parts of Fisherman's Wharf. Not bad for 2 days, especially considering Dad had a cold.

Scott and I aren't the neatest people on the planet at the best of times, and with both of us having been busier than usual recently, the house was, to put it mildly, a mess when my folks came over. I'm sure my parents were pretty shocked. The few times they've been to our place in the past, it's been scrubbed thoroughly beforehand. At least the litterbox was clean.

And although I remembered to get fresh candles for Shabbat, I totally spaced on getting a challah. I felt very guilty about it, but at least the food and the wine were good. Scott did an excellent flank steak with potatoes and spinach, with chocolate mousse for dessert.

My actual birthday is tomorrow, and I'll be working the closing shift, so any festivities will be minimal. I may treat myself to a chocolate muffin for breakfast though. Mom pointed out last night that I missed being a February 29th baby by only 14 hours. All things considered, I'm just as glad to be a March baby instead.

Anyway, only 2 years until I hit the big 4-0. That's pretty scary.