It’s nice that this should happen 2 days before Valentine’s Day: the first gay marriage license was issued in San Francisco today.
To be completely honest, this is an issue I have struggled with. As much as intellectually I have no problem with the equal protection clause of the Constitution meaning that gay couples should be able to marry just like straight couples, in my heart, I am uncomfortable with the concept.
At any rate, I’ve been giving this issue a lot of thought. As I said, the concept of real, legal gay marriage has pushed my comfort zone quite a bit. I can’t even pin down exactly why I feel that way, except to say that it’s not something I am used to. I know that must sound pretty lame, and maybe it is. And as someone who’s generally on the liberal side of the political spectrum, it’s not at all ‘correct’ (how I hate that word) to say that gay marriage makes you uncomfortable. I’ve wondered whether I might be hurting some of my friends’ feelings by saying how I feel here in this blog. But I think honesty is the better policy. I hope that my struggle to come to terms with the issue will be met with respect. And if reading this does make one of my friends feel bad — please, let me know so we can talk about it.
My parents sent something of a mixed message when it came to homosexuality. It wasn’t a subject often discussed, but if it were to come up, they didn’t have much positive to say about homosexuality. On the other hand, they’ve employed an openly gay man for the better part of 20 years. The fact that this entire time he and his partner have been living together has never seemed to bother them at all – they’ve always treated him with total respect, asked how his partner was doing, and so on. Like I said, that sends a pretty mixed message.
Things were different when I was growing up. Even living in New York City, with an active passion for the theater & arts, I don’t think it really registered on me what “gay” meant until I was in junior high. I had a couple of more or less openly gay teachers in high school and of course, gay colleagues during my career in the theater, but back then (the mid-late 1980s) the issue of the day was AIDS. People were much more concerned about staying alive than about whether or not they could get married. But still, my world was a heterosexual one and marriage was something that a man and a woman did.
Ultimately, what finally pushed me over into the pro-gay marriage camp was a piece Andrew Sullivan wrote called “Here Comes the Groom – The Conservative Case for Gay Marriage“. It’s a well-written piece that essentially says this: Marriage is an institution created to help stabilize society, and that people who enter into it take on both benefits and obligations. We should be encouraging people to marry because ultimately it’s good for society; certainly better than the potential quagmire that ‘domestic partnerships’ open up.
Sullivan is himself gay, so it’s not surprising that he should favor gay marriage. Still, his argument is sound and it was enough to help me come to terms with the question. I may feel a little queasy about it, but the first legal gay marriage in America has been performed. It will be very interesting to see what happens next.
