So today was Day #4 at the internship. I've spent most of my time so far working solo, putting together a strategy document for marketing one aspect of the newest version of the product. I submitted the completed memo to my supervisor, and had a few hours of down time while I waited for him to read & respond to it.
Since I'm still new at the job, I didn't really know what the protocol was -- should I ask for more work, start working on a project I'd mentioned in the first paper, or wait for feedback on my first work product? My supervisor was in and out of meetings and I didn't want to bother him. Unsure, I fell back on self-reliance. I did some research, read over some internal documents, and started jotting notes and ideas for other possible projects.
This worked for a couple of hours. But after lunch, I started to feel worried. The other intern, who started the day after I did, was working busily away on two different projects, talking to people, asking questions. I was sitting there, working by myself, and feeling a bit isolated. Dark thoughts descended. I started wondering whether maybe, despite what I'd been told when I was hired, they didn't really plan on keeping both of us? Perhaps this first week was some sort of weeding out process to see which of us was the better hire and the other one would be quietly let go? Was my lack of new tasks some sort of signal? Had I blown it already? For two more hours, I alternated between paranoia and telling myself I was being an idiot.
These last 4 years have been pretty rough in a lot of ways, but I didn't realize how deep the scars had gone until today. Once upon a time, I trusted what managers told me and would have welcomed a few hours of slack time. Now, I'm both more cynical and more insecure.
Finally, just as I was starting to think that maybe I ought to wash out my coffee mug (the one personal item I've brought to the office) and make sure it was clean, dry, and ready to go in case today really was my last day, an email from my supervisor popped into my mailbox, telling me what a great job I had done and would I present my ideas to the rest of the marketing staff in 30 minutes.
I had to read the e-mail twice before the relief set in.
Hopefully I won't let my insecurities get the better of me next time.
Comments (1)
Fantastic post - it was interesting to read about one of your first days in the office and how it went.
Offices are strange places where paranoia can get the best of you. Like you say, it takes some time to learn what the protocol is - each office varies a bit in atmosphere and social conventions - but I'm sure you'll settle in just fine. Don't let those insecurities get the better of you in future!
Posted by Sour Duck | January 13, 2006 9:06 AM